


One flew over a watterson's nest

by Shipping_Phobia



Category: The Amazing World of Gumball
Genre: just me making bad jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 07:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11777913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipping_Phobia/pseuds/Shipping_Phobia
Summary: There's a life class at school after which Darwin learns that an immature fish is in fact genderless, with that knowledge things escalate quickly. His parents are of course very supportive, his girlfriend Carry is a little unsettled, Mr. Smalls is being troublesome when he pretends to know how to deal with the situation and the rest of his friends are generally confused but accepting.But then there's also Gumbal, who just doesn't get it.





	One flew over a watterson's nest

**Author's Note:**

> made for fun

**Chapter 1**

 

It was a special day for Darwin. The sun was out, he still managed to fit in his fishbowl, breakfast was edible and they were on time at school.

 

“That's just like every other day,” Gumball noted without any regard to whether it was useful to say or not.

 

“But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be thankful for it!”

 

“You want be to be thankful for every little thing every single day?”

 

“Of course, things could be very different before we know it! That's way every day is special.”

 

“You know if you call every day special, doesn't that make them all insignificant as well?”

 

“Uh...” Darwin wanted to say something optimistic but Gumball's cynicism was quick as always.

 

“And what is something special does happen? Would that make your day just as insignificantly special as any other?”

 

“Uhm,” this time Darwin sprouted something before Gumball could interrupt. “Then that's a specially special day!”

 

“...you mean extra special?”

 

Darwin knew he shouldn't have started this conversation by now.

 

“For example, if it's your birthday how special would that be?”

 

“Important special.”

 

“How about mom and dad's anniversary?”

 

“That's parental special.”

 

“There are different kinds of special now?”

 

“Yes, it's a thing. I promise and I swear it on my promise.” He could tell that Gumball was having fun with this but he didn't mind.

 

“Then what if you finally got Carry to be your girlfriend, how special would that be?”

 

“UMPfhuuuh...” He sputtered and tried to think, _'probably as special as it is in my dreams...'_ And he truly believed it would stay like that, only in his dreams. “That's different!”

 

“Why?”

 

“I can't rate love!”

 

“You rated mom and dad's anniversary, though.”

 

“No, I mean- that's not...” He was already half pouting, “just shut up.”

 

“Hey buddy, I'm just saying that if you stop saying that everything is special and start facing reality, you will celebrate the actual important thing way more.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like the fact that school ends early today.”

 

“I was talking about celebrating the fine things and you're already talking about a chance to get lazy.”

 

“Don't pretend like you weren't planning on it as well.”

 

“You know everything, don't you?”

 

“Of course I do, I'm an expert at life.”

 

“That's called being cynical.”

 

“If that's what it takes to get by in this world.”

 

“Pfft, you're not as much of a life expert as you think.”

 

“Do you really want to start that discussion?”

 

There was only an inhale before Darwin admittedly sighed, “no.”

 

“That's what I thought,” Gumball smirked smugly.

 

“So, why is school actually ending early today?”

 

“There's some kind of guest speaker coming to give a lecture about some subject of some sorts.”

 

Clearly he shouldn't be asking Gumball for details... “don't we have to attend?”

 

“Nope!”

 

“Why not? They got someone here to teach us something, right?”

 

“Meh, if it was really all that important then miss Simian would've already yelled about it.”

 

“But you never listen to her.”

 

“Exactly,” he pointed out with the usual excesive hand gestures. “Who's saying that I will listen to some guest speaker instead?”

 

“I guess it would make no difference for you.”

 

That point was proven when miss Simian once again screeched the lessons through the classroom until it was midday. For anyone else time had passed as slowly as normally but for Gumball it was like no time had passed at all since he'd already blocked everything out of his brain.

 

“Whohoo!” He was the first to jump out of his seat, “time to go home!”

 

“I'm with you!” Darwin chased after Gumball through the halls, almost all the way to the main entrance when he noticed Carry and had to stop.

 

He didn't even know what he was going to say to her when he walked up to her but he was curious why she was walking the other way, away from the exit. “Hey, Carry!”

 

She turned around and immediately there was a smile on her face, just for that Darwin marked this day as extra special.

 

“So where are you going?” Darwin asked and noticed the flyer in her hand.

 

She showed it to him, “there's an alternative class today. It's not required but you can go there instead of the regular classes.”

 

“Didn't they drop those classes for today?”

 

“No, of course not. It's only that you don't have to go to class if you take this one instead.”

 

Darwin guessed that Gumball must have stopped listening at the 'you don't have to go to class' part.

 

Carry then asked him nonchalant, “so... are you going as well?”

 

“Uhm...” By now Gumball had probably already rushed his way home, _'how long will it take him to notice I'm not there?'_ That question depended on how much Gumball needed him right now and the connection in his heart told him he wasn't being missed yet. “I'll go to that class if you'll go.”

 

“You mean, as in together?”

 

“Heh, we did say we would do something sometime at some place...”

 

“This is not what I meant with that,” Carry sighed. “But I guess it's a start.”

 

As they walked toward the designated classroom, he noticed that there were quite a few other students that had the same idea. “Looks like everyone's going, is it a fun class?”

 

“I don't know,” Carry shrugged. “It's supposed to be some sort of life lesson.”

 

“Lesson... about life?”

 

“I don't know the details, they were a little vague on that.”

 

But Darwin didn't need to know anything more than that to convince him that this would be the perfect opportunity to overshadow a certain life expert in the next discussion that was certain to come. “This is gonna be awesome!” He did a happy jump and rushed in so that he could take a front seat, it was crowded though so there weren't any other seats left when Carry followed in.

 

“Where do I sit?”

 

“You could just float above my desk.”

 

“Uhm... you mean you want to share a seat?”

 

He hadn't thought of it that way yet, “...well, if you want to.”

 

“I just don't want to invade or anything...” she said shyly though already taking her place.

 

“I don't even think you're physically capable of doing that,” though he did feel warmer every time his shoulder faded through hers.

 

As he waited, he began to wonder what motives the other students actually had for being here. Surely not all of them were trying to win an argument with Gumball...? He looked at his right and asked Alan, “hey... why are you actually here?”

 

The balloon floated down to level with him as he replied in his sincere voice, “I'm here to learn about the philosophies of life as an opportunity to understand my fellow students and better myself.”

 

“Philosophical tactics huh?” Maybe that was something he could use.

 

Leslie, who overheard them, gave a yelp. “I thought this was a biological class about life, aren't they gonna teach us about fertilizer?”

 

Idaho was right there with him, “Yeah, I wanna know more about that good soil!”

 

“I don't think that has anything to do with this class,” Alen said.

 

“How can it not? Soil is the root of all life, where it begins and where it ends.”

 

“You've got a point there... but if it's about soil then why is Bobbert here?”

 

The little robot replied, “I'm here to obtain information about the algorithm and time-space that you call life.”

 

“Aww he wants to understand us,” Alan cooed.

 

“But wait... is this class about soil or what?”

 

“None of the sort!” Teri joined in to correct them, “we're going to learn about the physiological changes that come with the developmental stage of our lives and more importantly how to protect ourselves from it.”

 

“Uh... what's that in human language?” Darwin asked and Bobbert already had the answer.

 

“It's about adulthood.”

 

Upon hearing that they all groaned, “that's so boring!”

 

“Are they going to teach us how to vote or something?” Leslie thought and shuddered, “or do we have to learn how to do taxes?”

 

“Of course not, no one's ever going to teach you that stuff.” Tery took her usual pose with both hands on what's supposed to be her paper hips, “this is a biology class to help us understand what's going to happen to us before we become adults.”

 

“That sounds really confusing,” they all agreed that it wasn't going to be any fun.

 

“Well if you don't even know what it's about or don't have any interest, then why are you all here?”

 

There was no hesitation for most of them, “to get out of math.”

 

“Well I don't know if this would be much better than math...” Carry said and pointed at the door where mister Small entered. “I hope he isn't going to force us to listen about the energy of the universe.”

 

“Oh no, he isn't the one teaching us.”

 

“He's not?”

 

“No, there's a guest speaker.”

 

“Is it some kind of biologist, or a scientist?”

 

“No, just someone who knows a lot about life.”

 

“More than mister Small?”

 

_'More than Gumball?'_ Darwin thought hopefully.

 

“It's a parent of course,” Teri made a gesture at mister Small. “Since he isn't a parent, they didn't qualify him as full grown 'adult'.”

 

“Is that why he looks so grumpy?”

 

“Yes, it's easy to tell that he wanted to teach us.”

 

“Do you know who's parent is coming?” Carry asked.

 

“It's Billy's mother, she claims to be the only right person for it and insisted she'd tell us about... stuff?”

 

“What stuff?”

 

“Ehm, I'm not sure but from what I've heard apparently she already gave Billy 'the talk' when he was three.”

 

“What talk?”

 

“ _The_ talk,” Teri whispered as if it was something secret.

 

“A talk?” Darwin asked, “but my parents talk too. How is that special?”

 

“No, the talk is different from regular talking.”

 

“She must be a foreigner then, I can see how that's different.

 

“No, the talk is in every language. It's rather the topic that's kept secret, supposedly it's something parents usually don't talk about with their kids.”

 

“Like the talk about Santa?”

 

“Something like that.”

 

“What are they saying about Santa?” Darwin asked, looking around with his ever so cute and oblivious eyes.

 

“Uh... that he is great?”

 

Darwin accepted the answer. “Oh, yeah he is pretty great I guess.”

 

Mister Small then finally took a stand in the classroom to introduce the guest speaker, “everyone please listen up. This here is  _Felicity Parham_ , you all know here as Billy's mother.” 

 

He practically spat her name and spoke further on through gritted teeth. “She'll be telling you about what it means to become an adult because apparently an unemployed house wife that lives a stereotype would be more knowledgeable about people than someone who's reached full spirituality.”

 

Mister Small should've known better than to snap at a naggy mother who obviously knew her way around an argument. “Well they need someone to talk to these kids about becoming and adult and what adults  _do_ , and since you're not a parent I guess that you're probably not experienced in all the adult activities.”

 

His cloudy face turned into what looked like a thunderstorm, “what in the world are you assuming?!”

 

“I'm assuming that it has something to do with your name,” she mumbled.

 

“Well then should we star calling you misses bighead?!”

 

“Lets keep this professional Steve, you're supposed to be a teacher.”

 

“Then how about you start treating me as-

 

“Shush now, I have to teach these children before they absorb any of your nonsense.”

 

Meanwhile Darwin had taken notes of their dispute to fill an entire paper, “she's really good.”

 

“At what?” Carry asked, “being snarly?”

 

“People only become that way through experience, I bet she knows a lot!”

 

Teri noticed the notes Darwin was taking, “are you really all that interested in what she has to say?”

 

“Yeah, I want to learn as much as possible!” He chimed with the innocent hope of finally obtaining come backs that he could throw at Gumball.

 

But Teri found the interest less than innocent, which was confusing considering it was Darwin who was taking a strange interest in an adult class.

 

The adult that stood for their class started with a few questions about what it meant to be an adult, “does anyone know?”

 

Idaho yelled from the back, “it means that you get to wear a tie!”

 

“No, that's not it...” Felicity pointed at Leslie, “what do you think it is that makes you an adult?”

 

“Uhm... always being tired?”

 

“...close but no. Anyone else?”

 

Banana Joe had somewhat of an understanding with a different phrasing, “it's when you get all the hidden jokes on tv!”

 

Darwin raised his brows, “why would they hide their jokes?”

 

“So that only adults can get it,” the banana said.

 

“But that makes no sense,” though it might explain why his father would often laugh at a blank tv or by staring at the fridge. “I don't really get it...”

 

Felicity had expected the lack of intelligence of these students but this was starting to get disappointing, “Darwin what is it that you don't get?”

 

“...everything?”

 

“what do you mean everything?”

 

“This is confusing, first this class was about life and soil or something and now apparently there's this big TV scheme going on.”

 

“No, just... lets go back to the basics. What do you think it means to be an adult?”

 

“They raise children.”

 

“Very good Darwin! Adults become parents, can you elaborate on that?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Tell everyone how they become parents.”

 

“Well... I know my dad bought me from a magic van? Though I'm not sure that goes for everyone, surely there must be lots of magical vans all over the world to produce this many people.”

 

“...that's not...” She huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose, _'he bought him from a van?!'_ “Darwin, you know becoming parents is a thing between men and women, right?”

 

“Yes, one's a mom and the other is a dad.”

 

“Right, and do you know the difference between these men and women?”

 

“Sure, you call them mister and misses.”

 

“That's just a title, can you tell me how you tell them apart?”

 

“...one has a boys name and the other a girls name?”

 

“That's not how it works.”

 

“I know, sometimes it's the other way around. That's why I was first so confused about Leslie.”

 

“How were you confused about my name?” Leslie asked.

 

But Bobbert had the same problem as Darwin, “Leslie is a most common female name and there for she is a female herself.”

 

“I'm not a girl!”

 

Felicity asked Darwin, “is that how you've been telling boys apart from girls? Just their names?”

 

“Hey, sometimes it's really hard to tell. I mean, we literally have a flying eyeball in our class. Also, I just hear whether someone else calls them 'he' or 'she'.”

 

“And you know absolutely no other way to tell the difference?”

 

“Well if there was then I wouldn't know about it, I just know that Gumball gave me my name before I even met him as a guppy. And since Darwin in a boys name, I am a boy.”

 

“That's not how it works Darwin, you get your name _after_ someone has determined whether you are a boy or a girl.”

 

“Well I have a special place in Gumball's heart so he must have already known.”

 

“That's impossible.”

 

“Nothing's impossible when it comes to love.”

 

“Darwin, if by any means other than your name, how would you prove that you are a boy?”

 

“Uhm...” He lifted his foot and pointed at his shoes, “I've got boy shoes!”

 

“Did a salesperson sell those to you?”

 

“No, I got them from Gumball!”

 

“Oh my god,” Felicity breathed out with a worrying look.

 

“What?”

 

“Did he just _assume_ your gender?!”

 

“People can assume anything these days, haha.”

 

“No, they can most certainly _not!_ ”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It's very wrong to assume a person's gender without any prior knowledge.”

 

Darwin asked the only person who'd know more about what's right and what's wrong, “is that true Alan?”

 

The balloon nodded, “I have to agree that it can be rude. One should never make prejudices about anyone.”

 

Felicity went silent for a while, leaving everyone in quiet confusion until she said. “Darwin, how about you go to the nurse's office?”

 

“For what?” He asked and put his hands at his face, “do I look less peachy than normally? If so then you should blame carry, she's been making me nervous this whole time.”

 

The spook looked puzzled, “how so?”

 

“Actually I'm always nervous around you so you shouldn't feel any more responsible than in any other occasion,” he said. Playing the blame game like a true Watterson.

 

Felicity handed him a note, “give this to the nurse and get back to me when she's done.”

 

“Why, what is this?”

 

“She'll explain it to you and trust me, you want to know what she's going to say.”

 

“Uhm... okay?” He didn't really want to go but when a strict parent tells you to do something you better do it, even though she isn't his parent in particular.

 

He left the classroom and went straight to the nurse, “I was told to go here?”

 

She examined him quickly through her big glasses, “you don't look sick at all. You can go back.”

 

“I know...” Or at least he thought he knew, maybe he was sick after all? Or maybe it was something embarrassing and that's why Felicity had been so vague about it. “I have this note,” he said as he gave it to her.

 

She read it with a bored face, which then quickly turned in to a surprised one. “Well then, I guess you've never had a physical exam?”

 

“Yes I have.”

 

“Really? What was the result.”

 

“That I'm a puny heap of disappointment that will find his end at the chasing dogs.”

 

“What...?”

 

“I know, coach can be a little over the top sometimes but that's what she said.”

 

“I wasn't talking about a fitness exam... Have you ever even been to a doctor?”

 

“Is he the one that travels in the blue telephone box?”

 

And there she had her answer, now fully believing what was written in the note. “Darwin, could you turn around for me please?”

 

“Sure,” he'd been practicing his pirouettes anyway.

 

“Okay, now sit down on that table.”

 

“Here?” He jumped onto the examination platform where the nurse measured his head, arms and legs. She let out a thoughtful hum every now and then before opening a book about sea animals where she did her research on goldfish. “That explains it...”

 

“What?” By now Darwin was starting to get more curious, especially if she found something that he didn't know about.

 

“Darwin, I'd first like to explain that there's a difference between boys and girls that you don't know about.”

 

“Is it a secret?” He asked amazed, “does it have something to do with the TV thing?”

 

“Eh... no? I'm talking about the body difference.” She handed him a book about the different types of creatures, showing pictures of each individual in both male and female state.

 

Darwin's innocent eyes crumbled and were replaced with the gaze of a veteran who'd already seen too much. “THEY ARE NAKED!!!” He screeched and tried to push the horrid images away but the nurse kept the page right in front of his face.

 

“Darwin, it's a normal anatomy picture. This is to show what a person is supposed to look like, just tell me if you can see the difference between this male toaster and the female toaster.”

 

“I don't want to look at it.”

 

“Just do it, this is more important than you think.”

 

He peeked through one eye and could immediately tell a certain difference... “I'd tell you the difference if I knew how to call those parts.”

 

“It's written right here Darwin.”

 

“Oh...?” As he read the words and came across some scientific explanations and words that he didn't understand, he did come to know that there was actually a difference between boys and girls that he hadn't been aware of... He used to think that it was just a difference in species or something, like how horses are different from flies. But this was different and confusing and quite shocking. Shocking because it was so different and confusing because there was one thing he began to question... “Miss nurse?”

 

“Yes Darwin?”

 

“This toaster is a different toaster than the other one...”

 

“Exactly,” she said and flipped the pages. “Just like how these frogs are different and these parrots.” She flipped a few more pages to prove her point, “as well as these puppets, snakes, potatoes, cats-”

 

“ALRIGHT I GET IT!” He slammed the over revealing book shut and took a moment to think. “Miss nurse... is there a page in that book about fish?”

 

“Actually no.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Well it's a lot different with fish.”

 

“How so?”

 

“With fish it's impossible to tell their gender until they've fully matured and even then it doesn't matter much because there are many types of fish that can change their gender afterwards.”

 

Dog nammit if he knew what type of fish he actually was because all the guy from the van had ever said was that he was a _special_ type of fish... was it the type of special that would be able to gender swap? Or the type of special that wasn't actually special at all... no, otherwise he wouldn't have grown legs...?

 

“Is leg growing a thing that boys do?”

 

The nurse gave him a blank look, “in a way but I'm not gonna joke about that.”

 

If the man of the van had said anything else then mister Dad would've certainly forgotten about it, so it'd be no use asking him. The nurse was literally his only hope, “could you find out what kind of fish I am?”

 

The nurse smirked, “you're finally started to get it I see.”

 

“So you're going to help me figure out what I am?”

 

“No.”

 

“What?!” He flailed his arms and pouted, “why not?”

 

“I can't, you're literally a magical fish and that's beyond any of my magical knowledge. I'm amazed you're organs are still fully functioning while they're being crammed with lungs that aren't supposed to be there.”

 

“But... what if I'm the type that turns into a girl?”

 

“Darwin, there's no prove that you're not a girl already.”

 

He would've gasped but shock knocked all the air out of his unnatural lungs, “I'M A GIRL?!”

 

“I didn't say that, I said that you _might_ be a girl.”

 

“B-but... how would you know that?!”

 

“Like I said, it's impossible to tell with fish that haven't matured yet and when I examined you I couldn't find anything to prove whether you're a boy or a girl.”

 

“B-but then... I'm not-” He didn't even know what he's not or might be, “how long does it take to mature?”

 

“For regular fish about nine months but we both know you're not a regular fish.”

 

“Then how will I mature?!”

 

“My guess is that you're following the same state as Gumball.”

 

“What?”

 

“You guys have that special link going on right?”

 

“How do you know about that?”

 

“It was easy to tell by your identical heart rates and blood pressure at your health check ups.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“It means that you've been aging at the same rate as him, like how you suddenly got to be the same size as him after you grew lungs and legs.”

 

“Oh yeah, that's right.”

 

“And how you suddenly learned how to talk when you became attached to him.”

 

“I remember that.”

 

“So my hypothesis is that you will mature at the same time as him.”

 

“...THAT COULD TAKE FOREVER!!!” In the past he wouldn't have minded an endless youth but not without knowing what he was.

 

“Too bad kid, looks like you'll just have to wait.”

 

“I can't wait that long!”

 

“Don't worry, it's normal for teenagers to not know who they are. All you have to worry about is going through a _lot_ of phases.”

 

“I don't wanna do that.”

 

“I bet you're doing it already.”

 

“I'm not!”

 

“That's just a phase of denial.”

 

“It's not a phase!” He yelled and stormed out the office just so he could slam the door, which seemed like the appropriate thing to do for some reason. Though he wasn't really mad at her, he was just mad about the whole situation. But more than mad he was overall confused and had to wonder, _'what will I become?'_

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  jk I misspelled Carrie's name and I'm too lazy to edit


End file.
